Finding Light in the Darkness: A Mother's Journey After Shaken Baby Syndrome - Marissa Palmer

Hope, Healing and Hard-Fought Victories for Special Needs Families

As special needs parents, we often face unexpected challenges that test our strength, faith, and resilience. But even in the darkest moments, there is light to be found - in the small victories, the supportive community around us, and the unconditional love we have for our children. Today, we're sharing the powerful story of one mother's journey after her infant son suffered a traumatic brain injury. Her experiences offer valuable insights for any parent navigating difficult circumstances with their child.

When Marissa's 4-month-old son Davis was shaken by his father, their world was shattered in an instant. What followed was a harrowing journey through the NICU, months of rehabilitation, and learning to adjust to a new reality as a family. But through it all, Marissa found unexpected blessings, a renewed sense of purpose, and a deep appreciation for the little moments of joy and progress.

1. Facing the Unthinkable: The Immediate Aftermath

In the days following Davis's injury, Marissa had to quickly shift into crisis mode. She describes feeling numb and overwhelmed as she tried to process what had happened while also making critical medical decisions for her son.

"I kind of blacked out a lot of the first few days," Marissa recalls. "I was on FMLA from work, so I got a full 12 weeks off. I spent literally every waking moment taking care of three children."

Some key points for parents facing a sudden medical crisis with their child:

• Don't be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, and hospital social workers
• Take things one day at a time and focus on the immediate needs in front of you
• Allow yourself time to process your emotions, but try not to get stuck in "what ifs"
• Advocate for your child's care and don't hesitate to ask questions

2. Finding Support and Resources

One of the most crucial things Marissa did was tap into support networks and resources, both within the hospital and in the broader community. Programs like Ronald McDonald House provided invaluable practical assistance during Davis's hospital stay.

"We were able to stay in Las Vegas at the Ronald McDonald house for almost two weeks," Marissa explains. "They cater to all of the hospitals in the area...They're super accommodating."

She also found help through government programs like Healthy Families, which offers in-home support for parents. Marissa emphasizes the importance of asking for help without shame:

"There's no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed of it. Having issues - parenting is hard, having children is hard...it can be mentally exhausting."

Tips for accessing support:

• Ask hospital social workers about available programs and resources
• Look into government assistance programs for families with special needs children
• Join support groups (in-person or online) to connect with other parents
• Don't be afraid to lean on family, friends, and your faith community

![Image of support group meeting]

3. Coping with Grief and Guilt

For many parents of children with special needs or medical complexities, there is a grieving process for the life and future you had imagined. Marissa speaks candidly about grappling with these difficult emotions:

"You have to let yourself mourn what you thought your life was going to be like and that was really hard...I spent a lot of time turning a blind eye to our issues and ended up kind of blaming myself for a lot of things that ended up happening."

She stresses that it's normal and valid to feel sadness or grief, even as you love and care for your child. The key is not getting stuck in those feelings, but allowing yourself to process them in healthy ways.

"There's a huge stigma within the entire medical community of feeling guilty about grieving the life that you thought you would have had," Marissa notes. "I don't think that that's a healthy thing to feel guilty about."

4. Celebrating Progress and Small Victories

One of the most powerful mindset shifts Marissa made was learning to find joy and fulfillment in Davis's hard-fought progress, even when it looked different from typical milestones. She describes the thrill of seeing Davis master skills that once seemed impossible:

"Man, I worked for months and months and months to get him to do one single thing and when he finally does it and he starts doing it on his own without having to intervene or help or kind of like push him in that direction...it's really fulfilling."

This perspective allows Marissa to fully celebrate each of Davis's achievements, no matter how small they may seem to others. It's a reminder to all special needs parents that our children's progress is worthy of celebration, even if it looks different from what we initially expected.

Ways to cultivate a positive mindset:

• Keep a journal to track your child's progress over time
• Take photos and videos to document milestones
• Share victories with your support network, no matter how small
• Find ways to make therapy and exercises feel fun and rewarding

5. Prioritizing Self-Care and Mental Health

Caring for a child with special needs can be all-consuming, making it easy to neglect your own wellbeing. But Marissa emphasizes how crucial it is for parents to tend to their mental health:

"If you are having mental health problems and it's affecting your children or even just yourself, get help. Ask for help. There's no reason to be embarrassed of it or ashamed of it."

Self-care doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. It can be as simple as:

• Taking an extra long shower
• Going for a short walk
• Journaling or praying
• Talking to a trusted friend
• Seeing a therapist or counselor

The important thing is finding moments to recharge so you can be the best possible caregiver for your child.

6. Advocating for Your Child as an Individual

A final key lesson Marissa shares is the importance of seeing your child as an individual, not just a diagnosis or statistic. While medical professionals may group children with similar conditions, every child is unique in their challenges and abilities.

"Don't ever consider your child to be a part of a group. They're an individual, they advance in different ways and at different paces," Marissa advises. "Therapists and doctors tend to group your prognosis with others...that may not be in the same kind of circle as your child."

She encourages parents to trust their instincts, ask questions, and push for individualized care when needed. Your child is so much more than any label or prognosis - advocate for them as the wonderful, one-of-a-kind person they are.

While Marissa journey with Davis has been filled with unimaginable challenges, it has also revealed incredible strength, love, and moments of unexpected joy. Her story reminds us that even in our darkest hours as parents, there is always hope to be found.

If you're walking a difficult road with your child right now, know that you're not alone. Reach out for support, celebrate the small victories, and never lose sight of the beautiful, resilient spirit within your child. You are doing holy, important work as a parent - and both you and your child are worthy of all the love and support in the world.